Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
