dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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