Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
