Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
