I need help removing her.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
