If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
