I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
