true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
