Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
