i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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