Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
