I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
