Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
