I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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