hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
