we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
