Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
