I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize