I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
