my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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