Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
