Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
