Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
