At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ ๐๐ผ
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he wonโt make eye contact
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