if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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