she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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