well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
