i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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