All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
