Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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