hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
