so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
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