I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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