I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
we should paint friendship bongs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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