my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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