I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
another moral hangover. fuck.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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