what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
