The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
