It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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