It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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