I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
