We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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