he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
