theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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