We're facebook friends in real life
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
