I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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