Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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