I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
