My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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