trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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