My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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