Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
