Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i now understand why vodka
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
