She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
