Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
