OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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