Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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