it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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