does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
last night I used snow as a chaser
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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