I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
