I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize