I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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