you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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