i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize