How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
