I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
