and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
