can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
