Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
