I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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