Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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