yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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