There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I've blown a few things in my day
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
