Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
